walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
