32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
