So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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