you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
