Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
