So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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