Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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