I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
