i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
