dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
