Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
