The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
