after a month anything with tits is on the radar
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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