I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
