i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
