You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
As shirtless as possible
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
