Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
