My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
