i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
