i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Can I color on your dick again?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
