Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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