We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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