You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
