I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
