I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
