My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
