: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
