oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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