Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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