i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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