I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
