It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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