Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
the liver wants what the liver wants
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
