Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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