Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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