i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
