I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
