She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize