First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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