sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Is it because I queefed?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
