so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
