I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
