I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
