Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
