I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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