I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
