Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
