I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize