Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
