No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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