Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
