sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
