Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
