I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
