the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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