It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
