Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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