Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
