let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
