clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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