is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
