i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
