no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I fill condoms, not promises.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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