I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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