I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
