just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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