do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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