She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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