My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
