great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Farmville is her only friend.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
