I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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