...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
accomplished twins. life is a go
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
