If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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