Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
