Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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